you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
