Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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