I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
