I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
