The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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