Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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