if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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