I CAN MOONWALK!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
