Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
