WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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