i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
