Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
