I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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