At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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