I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
