Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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