i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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