Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
