Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
