So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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