Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
