She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
