If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
