New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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