I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
