Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
