I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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