they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
