After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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