Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
