so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
