Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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