New low: just hacked my moms facebook
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
