i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
