I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
