I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
