Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
