he puts the penis in happiness.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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