I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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