he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
