In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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