We're like a lot better than the average bears
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
