I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
