why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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