Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
