About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
