the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
