even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
