We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
