Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
