He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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