I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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