i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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