yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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