I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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