my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
