He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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