So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
