i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
