The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
