My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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