Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you had me at cake vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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