And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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