CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
