I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
