Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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