Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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