Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
