Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
