I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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