there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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