Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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