I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
