dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
