I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
