You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
