Yo dont text me then not text me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
